The Act of Never Letting Go
by Ellina Humdrum
Summary: Everyone thought all the apprentices were killed that night. But one escaped. Whether she's been running from him or from shame she isn't certain. But now, she has to end him. End the monster he became.


It's late at night, but no one is around to care that we're still up.

We're sitting out on one of the many balconies, the lights of the city glinting in the distance. We've been playing cards, practicing sensing the moves that our opponent might make. But we're both too good, and so the game has come to a slight stand still.

"You'll win.," says Ben finally, laying down his cards.

I laugh, and take a sip of the hot chocolate that we'd made in the kitchen. It's thick and creamy and the whipped cream is cool against my lips. Ben always says I made the best hot chocolate. "Finally! How do I defeat the great _Ben Solo_?"

Ben rolls his eyes. "I feel sorry for you and let you have it."

I clink my glass with his. "I'll take that victory."

We both stare off at the city lights, quiet. That's what I like about Ben- he's comfortable with silence. I'd missed the easiness that came with being with my best friend. He'd been gone recently, off with Luke making connections in the North. Ben is the oldest here by a year, and one of the most talented, so Luke often takes him along when he goes out.

A firefly flies past my head, and I follow it, smiling. When I was younger, my father and I had chased fireflies. They so rarely found their way up the mountain.

Ben turns to me, and for some reason there is fire in his eyes. "Lily." He says, but it isn't his voice. It's a raspy, mechanical voice, the voice of someone else, the voice of a monster.

And suddenly the white stones upon which we sat are covered in blood, and I can here screaming, so much screaming. There's a fire raging behind us, the same color, as Ben's eyes had been a moment before, the same color as the glow of the firefly. And Ben is standing above me with a light-saber in his hand but he isn't Ben any more. And there was a tightening around my throat and in my last breaths I screamed at him to stop. And then I was falling through blackness, falling and falling with the feeling around my neck getting tighter and tighter.

I wake gasping.

There are the typical moments of clawing at my neck, believing that I am choking. But the feeling of panic fades with each breath that I draw through my lungs, reminding me that I am still alive.

The next thing that I realize is that even though the nightmare is over, the screams haven't stopped.

I'm out of bed in an instant, hobbling to the door in the next. My leg has been in one of its bad spells. There's been more this year than any other year. The scars almost seem to be sores again, hot and burning. I was going to rub more ointment on them in the morning.

Whipping back the curtain that serves as a door for my small hut, I curse under my breath.

The air is thick with smoke. A few years ago, that itself probably would have sent me into a panic attack. Now, I breathe calmly and assess the situation. Smoke clogs the air, but what is past it? My eyes take a second to adjust to the light, but when they do, a feeling of dread falls into my stomach.

The city, off in the distance, is burning. I can here the sound of blasters. The storm troopers, the First Order- they're here. Soon, they'll finish decimating the town and come out to the outer huts. Huts like mine.

It's been a while since this happened, but I know what to do. Going back into the house, I toss my few belongings and some food into a sack, and swing it over my shoulder. I've been here for over a year, but R5 still spends nights out by the ship. Everyone here is too afraid of me to bother to try and steal her.

I have my blaster. Small, old, but still a gun. And still more than some of the other town people have. I feel sick to my stomach as I accept the fact that I can't go try and help them. Some of the trade masters will have guns. I hope they're just smart enough to know if it's time to surrender.

Who am I kidding? They're all dead anyway. Elina, Ross, Hammer. Not my friends, but close to that. The closest I'd come in years.

But now it's time to do what I do best.

I run.

Here's the issue. The ship bay isn't in the city, but it's close to it. At this angle, I can't see how many troops are here. I can't see much of anything, actually. Only the sounds of screaming guide me towards the city.

I don't know for sure why they're here. Kaboosh isn't a big trading post, but maybe they're here to steal goods? From what I know, it wouldn't be the first time. Of course, they could also be here for me. The thought of that makes me want to collapse and heave up my meal from the night before. But no, I must keep moving.

I trip over a body. Bile rises in my throat, but I keep running. You become selfish after five years on the run. And there's nothing I can do for that person anyway.

"Help me." A voice, thin and croaky, rises out of the darkness. I can't help myself. I turn.

It's not anyone I know well, and their face is covered in enough grime and blood that I can't place it. They reach out their hand and I'm caught in the eyes of a person I might have just doomed to death. Their lips start to form another word.

A blaster hits them in the face, and they fall lifeless into the sand.

I freeze. The smoke makes it difficult to see more than a few yards or so in front of me. I'm judging on memory to get me to the ship gate. Blasters aren't particularly long distance.

"Look!" a voice yells. "There's a boy! Shoot him!" A ray flies at me, close enough to my ear that I can feel the heat. I'm not surprised they think I'm a boy- I'm tall enough to be. My figure comes in handy in fights- they'll directly kill you as a man. Depending on whom you're dealing with, much worse things can happen to a girl.

Without hesitation, I shoot my gun in the direction of the blast. I here a voice cry out, a muffled thump. Years of sensory training pay off, after all.

I'm not sure if I've killed them. All I know is this- I must make it to my ship. I will not consider the fact that they might have already blown the ships. My survival relies on the troopers assuming no one will be alive to escape.

Besides my burning eyes and the people out here charged with killing everyone, I have one more problem. My leg is throbbing something ridiculous now. I'm not so much running as hobbling. If it comes down to a foot race, I won't win.

The chain metal fence of the shipyard materializes in front of me. The top is edged with barbed wire and cruel, curling spikes. A few feet past that, I can see the glinting corner of the warehouse where the majority of the ships are kept. This orients me- I'm on the far backside. This is the farthest away from the town, which would explain the lack of storm troopers.

I'm now faced with a dilemma. Going around front will put me in sight of the town. Presumably they've set guards by the main gates. Somehow, I've got to get over this fence. Once inside, there's a back door that I can use to get inside. There, I'll just have to pray to the stars that my gun shoots straight.

There's only one way to get over the fence, and stars above, do I really not like it. There's a tall poll positioned at each corner of the fence, with the Kaboosh trading flag waving from the top. It's clear- I'm going to have to climb it.

My hands are sticky with sweat, so I pull on my old pair of leather gloves. My legs scream in pain as I wrap them around the post- I ignore it. Slowly, I begin to shimmy upward.

Once at the top, I feel even more in doubt of this plan. A peace of metal juts away from the tall poll- it's what holds the now smoking flag. I'll have to shimmy out and fall from that. It's a long drop though. I don't particularly want to think how long.

My mother always said to do what needed to be done. So I don't waist time at the top of that poll. I let go, and I fall.

I tuck and roll, but that doesn't prevent the pain from slipping through my ankle. It's probably broken. My knee gets pretty banged up, and a jolt goes through my spine. I give myself a second to lie there and assess my injuries. Then I'm up and running again, typing a code into the small pad by the door and thanking my lucky stars that Elina, the shipmaster, liked me.

And I freeze. Two storm troopers are standing right in front of me, pointing their guns right at my head and heart. If I shot one, the other would have me in an instant. I could attack them, but that would pose the same issue.

I hesitate the most I have all night. And then I do something I haven't done in five years.

Giving my most serene smile, I say, "You will drop your guns, and go to the front of this ship yard. You will tell nobody you saw me."

For a second, I'm not sure if it's worked. But then they drop their guns, and turn away. I must have used a little too much. Normally, they'd repeat what I said.

My body is buzzing and I feel a little dizzy. But I've just sent up a beacon to Snoke of my exact location. It doesn't matter if they're here for me already, but it's time to move. It'll be the first confirmation that they've ever had that I'm still alive.

I make it to my ship. R5 is in her port already, but she'd pretending to be asleep. A storm trooper is guarding her, but I take no qualm with mind tricking him too. As they say, the jig is up.

It's the summer months, so the roof is off. R5 wakes up behind me, and beeps a hello. She chastises me for using the force.

"It was that or die." I snap at her. "Now, let's get out of here."

My ship is a vintage X wing- old, but reliable. She's broken down twice the past two years, but I've managed to fix her up both times. I've become quite the mechanic, if I do say so myself. It was how I was making a living here on Kaboosh.

If storm troopers are here, presumably they docked out of a much bigger ship. If that ship sees me, then I'm dead.

I'll have to go into light speed to avoid getting caught. Light speed straight from inside this hanger. When I inform R5 what we're about to do, she breaks into the droid version of hysterical laughter. I whip around.

"Do you want to be captured? Do you want to be dismantled and for me to be killed, or worse, turned into a weapon? Do you want to be back with _him?_ " I'm hysterical as well now, and gasping. Luckily, R5 gets the message.

Grunting, R5 lifts us off the ground. I've kept the gears well oiled, and we fly pretty smoothly. I angle the ship, and pray nothing gets in our way.

And we go into light speed.

I don't let us come out of it until we're far, far away from the planet system Kaboosh was a part of. When I do, there's nothing around us. Only blackness.

I finally allow myself to cry.

Because it's obvious what I have to do now.

I have to stop running.

 **A/N Hey everyone! I saw TFA and loved it, and in typical fashion, decided I just** ** _had_** **to write an OC story about it. Let me know what you think!**


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